Soul Cycle is a romance novel. Seriously.

In which I explain how a Soul Cycle class is a romance novel as exercise.

I don’t really like working out but I love soul cycle because it is a romance novel as exercise. Allow me to explain…

It starts like a Regency Ball—dark, candlelit, no alcohol and a total crush. The mood is lively, almost raucous. We are all here for a good time and we are going to have it. Sure, there are some wallflowers and jaded rakes in the room but you know deep down they are tingling with anticipation too. The main difference is the stationary bikes and that most people have already taken off most of their clothes. We are all about to embark on a journey together and it’s going to be epic. 

Chapter One 

The doors close. The music starts. The lights go down. The first song is catchy, with a beat that is easy to match and sink into. We are the hero and heroine in their meet cute. We are feeling fun and flirty and sparks are flying. Yes, let’s do this! The instructor is your best friend with bad ideas and too much enthusiasm: “Let’s see how far we can take this today! Surprise yourself!” The fun continues and then—

Complications ensue 

Around song three or four it becomes clear that was just the warm up and things are getting really real now. The beat gets a little harder to match. And now the instructor now wants us to do different things with our arms and legs at the same time. We tap it back. We push up. And tap it back and push it up. Clap! It is kinda like a Quadrille, but with more speed and fewer clothes. And bikes. 

These new moves are all plot twists and new feelings and complications. They come fast and furious now. In the story it’s stuff our couple getting caught together in a compromising position. It’s the secret diary getting lost, it’s the person from the past showing up, it’s the realization that our protagonists are vying for the same job. It’s secret babies and mistaken identities. It’s on. 

A lot is happening all at once. Nerves taut. Blood pumping. Heat surging. The beads of sweat starting. It’s so sexy. So fun. 

And then it gets worse 

Make it worse is writing advice people actually give and writers actually follow and in this soul cycle romance novel class the instructor has indeed made it worse. The moves are harder now. The beat of the music is harder to pedal to. I am tired now but I cannot quit because it is physically impossible and impossibly awkward to unclip and leave the room in the middle of class. Sexy sweating feelings have now given way to wanting to vomit. The stakes have gotten higher and higher and I feel the pressure in my bones, my muscles, my everything. I am too far into this book/love story/spin class to stop. 

Some people let out whoops of fun. They are feeling it! 

Because here’s the other thing: it’s getting really real and I’m still in it. Whoop! 

The hill 

Oh hi, okay now we are emotionally and physically invested and let’s go up a fucking hill.  We make the wheel thick and heavy with resistance. The beat slows down. You think it is a break, but it is not a break. It is a climb and it will take everything you have left and then some. This is the part of the story where the hero is still swearing to Never Love Again. Where the heroine is still insisting that she’s fine. Fine! And everything in the story is conspiring to break them of that notion. This is the part where our characters are still fighting what the last 250 pages/35 minutes of class has been building to. This is the Black Moment. It is designed to break you. 

I do not know if I can carry on. 

The instructor is now Violet Bridgerton or Lady Danbury making pointed but heartfelt remarks that just slay you. 

“It doesn’t matter what I want for you, it matters what you want for you!” 

It feels over but it’s not over 

Ahhh, we have reached the top of the hill! We sit back on the saddle, slow our pedaling and start weight lifting. The HEA (and/or brunch) is in sight! There is a point where it feels like respite. But it is not a respite. It is one last complicating plot twist that is going to test your resolve. “Oh so you think you’re in love? Well then you should know this…” says some mean uncle or gossipy matron. The whole point is to fully, completely exhaust in body and mind so that you have no defenses for what comes next. 

The “easy” ride 

This is the part where we just ride. The pace is easy, steady. The music is emo all the way. The instructor is silent. Not even Violet Bridgerton has something to say here. It’s just you and your body and your mind and your heart, which is cracking open. You are the hero/heroine who has done the work, and are now open enough to realize some essential truths, including that you are in love, will always be in love, cannot live without this love. This love that you have wrestled with during the whole spin class/romance novel, is now essential to your future happiness.

I always cry at this part. 

I think the word is catharsis. I understand it viscerally now. 

The mad dash 

This is the part where you have realized who you want to spend the rest of your life with, and you want the rest of your life to start right now. This is the mad dash at the end of every rom com. 

This is the part where you find a fresh burst of energy even though ten minutes ago you were so broken you were going to fall off your stationary bike in tears and vowing to never love again.  But now, you are going to go hard. You are going to go fast. You are going to find strength and power and exhilaration and joy you didn’t know you had. You, dear wallflower, are going to let out a WHOOP of pure joy right there in the middle of the ballroom. 

And then it’s over. 

You will glow. 

And go to brunch.