When I am home alone, I like to listen to my local NPR station while I get ready for the day or make lunch or clean out the closet while I am avoiding writing something. I like it more than podcasts because I don’t have to decide which one, what topic, or keep up with something. I will listen to whatever is on and delight in the random stuff I hear that I might otherwise never tune into. Today they were talking about wrestling with guilty pleasures. I turned the volume up.
The first two callers were women talking about how romance novels were their guilty pleasure. “It's a guilty pleasure for me because I was a lit theory major in college who studied critical race theory and identity studies. It's everything that I don't even want for myself, but I love these stories. I just can't stop reading them,” one said, and I thought about calling into a radio show for the first time in my life. Another said “Even just thinking about being satisfied with myself and where I am in my own life, why do I need this type of escapism? What is it about this?” And I frantically tried to figure out how to call the show from my phone while listening on my phone while unpacking groceries.
Another woman called in saying she spends extra money out of pocket to see a doctor she really likes and has a long relationship with. But I can’t see what’s wrong with doing something to take care of her health. Similarly, someone else travels to see concerts, which isn’t a frivolity but food for the soul if you ask me. But then again, what do all of these things have in common? Women taking care of themselves.
The next caller said his guilty pleasure was working from home. He’s got a sourdough starter going while he takes meetings. He said, “I just feel like I’m getting away with something.” So maybe working from home isn’t terrible and work is supposed to be terrible? What is so wrong with having a nice time?
Another person’s guilty pleasure was a yarn store, because she already has yarn at home that she has not yet made into hats to warm the little heads of children. In other words, it’s not serving any purpose other than to delight her.
Why do we feel guilty about pleasure? I have long been curious about why we often feel that to enjoy something—food, sex, pretty colors of yarn, working at home while the bread rises, a good book—means there is something wrong with us.
I can’t help but wonder if the answer comes from the Bible. Because once upon a time, Eve ate the apple and Jesus died for our sins, now we can’t purely enjoy anything ever. Now we must always be sacrificing ourselves to be in service to others. Especially if you are a woman. It can’t be fun, either.
I think capitalism really took the ball and ran with it. There are fortunes to be made from our insecurity and discontent, but it’s even more reliant on our constant working. Especially when it comes to women. Our unpaid labor makes the world go round—the cleaning, cooking, laundry, child bearing and rearing, making special occasions, etc, etc. To say nothing of the paid labor many of us also do. That’s why people can get all aflutter about women reading romance novels, because in that moment they are opting out of laboring for others and just taking care of themselves by reading a story about being taken care of. They are choosing personal pleasure instead of service to others.
In the radio show, they talk about how these “guilty pleasures” fill a hole in someone’s life. Maybe it’s feeling cared for that we crave. Maybe we humans are just hardwired to enjoy a nice time. The same reason we often think of romance novels as “guilty pleasures” is the same reason the joy they bring is radical—because we have gotten the message that our fun and joy is wrong. Either way, there’s no reason to feel bad about feeling good.
PS: I just rereleased a romance novella that is 100% frothy fun. There is no moral to this story. Three Schemes and a Scandal is a friend-to-lovers, second-chance-at-love romance with a wildly mischievous heroine, a dashing rogue and some truly bonkers matchmaking schemes. It ends very happily and you don’t need to feel guilty about enjoying it!
Exactly! This perfectly encapsulates why I have always hated the whole idea of "guilty pleasures." Why should I feel guilty for enjoying something? That's absurd. I never really thought about my teenage self being radical when I would answer, "I don't have any guilty pleasures, because I don't feel guilty about the things I like." But it really was pretty rebellious in a way I understand much better as an adult.
I heartily agree with this. Also, is it a guilty pleasure if it makes me feel better and therefore makes me a better parent/partner/human? I have been slowly shifting my mindset to this way of thinking. My husband would likely say that rekindling my love of romance novels has been very good for our relationship. ;)