I agree that we don't need to describe romances by age-range - "romance" is fine. At the proud-and-powerful age of 44, I regularly enjoy reading historicals about 20 yr-olds, just finished a Regency featuring a 36-yr-old (Anne Gracie: The Scoundrel's Daughter) and I loved ALL Jasmine Guillory's novels. I understand the pleasure in reading characters "like us", but I find that it's more interesting to read about characters NOT like myself - so I can learn something about a different life experience. I'd encourage "new adults" themselves to open their minds to older characters - perhaps reading another perspective will help them see that life can be long, and the urgent dramas in their own young life will likely fade in importance as they themselves age - also an opportunity to learn from someone older's mistakes - and see that they can be overcome.
I write romance novels with older characters. One thing I find disturbing and annoying is when people say my characters seem younger. Apparently, people have bought into the story that when someone turns forty they magically stop feeling anxious, confused, depressed, and occasionally unsure of themselves. Apparently, when someone turns forty, they just know how to do romance and they meet someone and it's smooth sailing.
Uh... no.
Sure, as a "seasoned woman" I have clarity and care less about what people thing than I did in my twenties and thirties. Except when I do care about what people think. Except when, as a "wise older woman," I recognize how someone's skewed perception of me can lead to fewer opportunities in career and relationships. I've also witnessed older friends struggling with self-doubt, the fear that their time is nearing an end and they may never actually realize their goals and dreams. Then, of course, there are climate change-related issues which affect everyone on some level, no matter their age.
Life is hard some days, easy others. We all occasionally struggle with family relationships, friendships, work stress, financial woes. These things don't magically stop when we reach a certain age.
So I bring all that into my romance novels. With each book, I try to add more humor, more nuance, more reality, more love, and better sex. Because another bizarre misconception is that people over forty don't enjoy sex. (?!?) If we've learned anything, we're doing it better and having more fun with it than ever. And on that happy note... I think I'll go edit a love scene.
The more we write these heroines (and heroes) the more we can see and express the range of human experience. Love, aging, sex, HEAs are different for all, in different ways, and different times in life. I hope we can see the variety in our books.
Thank you for your comment and perspective. Good luck editing your love scene!
Definitely agree about the sex! Older men are much better at it because they have experience instead of learning watching porn, older women are more confident in knowing what works for them and asking for it. Just makes for a much better experience all around.
I am so glad this is being talked about. I'm in my mid-50s, never married, no kids. A lot of my friends are the same. It's so nice to see me in the romance books I read, so thank you to the few authors who are writing it.
I had a discussion on Goodreads with someone who hated the ending to Royal Holiday by Jasmine Guillory because they didn't end up living together. I answered back that it was really realistic. In my 30s, I was willing to move to the other side of the world for love. In my 50s, I'm not going to walk away from my life for any man, no matter how much I love him. That is one of the challenges in writing an older couple but I really hope that more writers start doing it.
MK, that is such a fascinating point! The HEA will probably look a little different for couples at different stages in their lives and we should be okay with that. I hadn't thought about that...much to consider, thank you for bringing it up!
Yes! And, there are those who WANT to live together and WILL move, despite the cost, because they recognize the miracle of finding true love at a certain age.
The key is: at every age and stage, people find love, lose love, choose love for healthy reasons and unhealthy reasons, screw it up, get it right, want complete closeness, want to maintain physical distance while building emotional intimacy, etc, etc, etc...
It's about my family, both biological and found, that I wouldn't want to move away from. I'm guessing that's what you mean about the cost? I will concede that not everyone has that bond in a place like I do and will be willing to make the move later in life.
Exactly. And... costs vary from person-to-person. People make all sorts of choices for all sorts of reasons. Perhaps someone WITH those bonds in place would still move to fulfill the dream of being with their true love full time. So many factors are at play in people's lives, and they are ever-changing. Which gives romance authors a delightful array of experiences and personalities to play with!
Still it’s fun to try to come up with the marketing term that might work: Happily Ever Adult romance; Romanceopause novels; Never-to-late-for romance; Elderomance; Ageless Romance; Late-Bloomer Romance; the Horny Harridan romance.
Horny Harridan is a great name for historicals. Romanceopause and Late-Bloomer do give me pause as the former implies that all the heroines will be going through menopause and the latter implies that the couple were immature for most of their lives when the reality is that for a lot of us we were too busy living our lives and couldn't find someone we liked enough to keep them around long term. I love the other ones though!
Love this but I think the last acceptable bias is actually towards weight. The vitriol and hateful speech otherwise progressive people direct at fat people is shocking.
It’s awful how people judge others based on weight. I think it comes from the perception that people can control their weight via eating habits and exercise regimens. Sometimes, that’s correct. But so many factors play into a person’s size and shape, and several of those factors are out of one’s control.
That said, no one has any control over aging. If we live, we age. That’s inescapable. To discriminate against someone simply because they are still alive in their forties and beyond is both absurd and cruel. Yet it happens every day in the USA, maybe other nations, too.
Peter I LOVE Happily Ever Adult romance! And these are all so catchy! It's like you have a ton of experience writing witty, pithy headlines... ;-)
I agree that we don't need to describe romances by age-range - "romance" is fine. At the proud-and-powerful age of 44, I regularly enjoy reading historicals about 20 yr-olds, just finished a Regency featuring a 36-yr-old (Anne Gracie: The Scoundrel's Daughter) and I loved ALL Jasmine Guillory's novels. I understand the pleasure in reading characters "like us", but I find that it's more interesting to read about characters NOT like myself - so I can learn something about a different life experience. I'd encourage "new adults" themselves to open their minds to older characters - perhaps reading another perspective will help them see that life can be long, and the urgent dramas in their own young life will likely fade in importance as they themselves age - also an opportunity to learn from someone older's mistakes - and see that they can be overcome.
Thank you for starting the conversation, Maya!
I write romance novels with older characters. One thing I find disturbing and annoying is when people say my characters seem younger. Apparently, people have bought into the story that when someone turns forty they magically stop feeling anxious, confused, depressed, and occasionally unsure of themselves. Apparently, when someone turns forty, they just know how to do romance and they meet someone and it's smooth sailing.
Uh... no.
Sure, as a "seasoned woman" I have clarity and care less about what people thing than I did in my twenties and thirties. Except when I do care about what people think. Except when, as a "wise older woman," I recognize how someone's skewed perception of me can lead to fewer opportunities in career and relationships. I've also witnessed older friends struggling with self-doubt, the fear that their time is nearing an end and they may never actually realize their goals and dreams. Then, of course, there are climate change-related issues which affect everyone on some level, no matter their age.
Life is hard some days, easy others. We all occasionally struggle with family relationships, friendships, work stress, financial woes. These things don't magically stop when we reach a certain age.
So I bring all that into my romance novels. With each book, I try to add more humor, more nuance, more reality, more love, and better sex. Because another bizarre misconception is that people over forty don't enjoy sex. (?!?) If we've learned anything, we're doing it better and having more fun with it than ever. And on that happy note... I think I'll go edit a love scene.
;)
The more we write these heroines (and heroes) the more we can see and express the range of human experience. Love, aging, sex, HEAs are different for all, in different ways, and different times in life. I hope we can see the variety in our books.
Thank you for your comment and perspective. Good luck editing your love scene!
Definitely agree about the sex! Older men are much better at it because they have experience instead of learning watching porn, older women are more confident in knowing what works for them and asking for it. Just makes for a much better experience all around.
I am so glad this is being talked about. I'm in my mid-50s, never married, no kids. A lot of my friends are the same. It's so nice to see me in the romance books I read, so thank you to the few authors who are writing it.
I had a discussion on Goodreads with someone who hated the ending to Royal Holiday by Jasmine Guillory because they didn't end up living together. I answered back that it was really realistic. In my 30s, I was willing to move to the other side of the world for love. In my 50s, I'm not going to walk away from my life for any man, no matter how much I love him. That is one of the challenges in writing an older couple but I really hope that more writers start doing it.
MK, that is such a fascinating point! The HEA will probably look a little different for couples at different stages in their lives and we should be okay with that. I hadn't thought about that...much to consider, thank you for bringing it up!
Yes! And, there are those who WANT to live together and WILL move, despite the cost, because they recognize the miracle of finding true love at a certain age.
The key is: at every age and stage, people find love, lose love, choose love for healthy reasons and unhealthy reasons, screw it up, get it right, want complete closeness, want to maintain physical distance while building emotional intimacy, etc, etc, etc...
It's about my family, both biological and found, that I wouldn't want to move away from. I'm guessing that's what you mean about the cost? I will concede that not everyone has that bond in a place like I do and will be willing to make the move later in life.
Exactly. And... costs vary from person-to-person. People make all sorts of choices for all sorts of reasons. Perhaps someone WITH those bonds in place would still move to fulfill the dream of being with their true love full time. So many factors are at play in people's lives, and they are ever-changing. Which gives romance authors a delightful array of experiences and personalities to play with!
Still it’s fun to try to come up with the marketing term that might work: Happily Ever Adult romance; Romanceopause novels; Never-to-late-for romance; Elderomance; Ageless Romance; Late-Bloomer Romance; the Horny Harridan romance.
Horny Harridan is a great name for historicals. Romanceopause and Late-Bloomer do give me pause as the former implies that all the heroines will be going through menopause and the latter implies that the couple were immature for most of their lives when the reality is that for a lot of us we were too busy living our lives and couldn't find someone we liked enough to keep them around long term. I love the other ones though!
Late Bloomer also discounts all who have loved and lost, whether through divorce or death.
Love this but I think the last acceptable bias is actually towards weight. The vitriol and hateful speech otherwise progressive people direct at fat people is shocking.
It’s awful how people judge others based on weight. I think it comes from the perception that people can control their weight via eating habits and exercise regimens. Sometimes, that’s correct. But so many factors play into a person’s size and shape, and several of those factors are out of one’s control.
That said, no one has any control over aging. If we live, we age. That’s inescapable. To discriminate against someone simply because they are still alive in their forties and beyond is both absurd and cruel. Yet it happens every day in the USA, maybe other nations, too.